Waiting....

DON'T PISS OFF THE PEOPLE BRINGING YOU THINGS YOU INGEST

Well this subject has been bouncing around in my head for awhile now. Does that excuse the absence? No, but at least I was thinking of things to write about. And for those who know me, I can't write about everything that's in my head...just sayin'.

Now the subject is the service industry. And I'm not talking about being served, because truthfully that is a whole nother debate. I'm talking about serving, getting someone food, slinging beer. I work behind the bar, technically called a bar-apprentice. But I work with cocktail servers and very experienced bartenders, and was a waiter for a long time.

This rant will prob be random because their are several things that bug the hell out of me that people do, just bear with me.

When you come to a bar that you've never been to ask for a drink menu if you don't know what you want. Don't be a 'tard and ignore the counter top or behind the bar, the drink list and/or specials may be up. A bartender won't be mad if your polite and ask for a menu, it goes with the territory, but if it's busy that is another thing all together. If you don't see anything you like on the menu, ask for your favorite drink. Don't ask for something you heard about from a friend of a friend of someones second cousin that screwed a cow(you know who you are).

But if it is a new drink you heard of, be sure you know what's in it. Drinks have several names, especially new ones and the recipe may be slightly different. If the bartender doesn't know your drink, don't act surprised or that everyone should know it. That is a quick way to have just one drink served to you and anything else might just have "extra" ingredients in it, or no alcohol at all. Some of you who never have had to work a job like this may be surprised, but look to the top of the page. I've done it and I know that 94% of other servers have as well.

So now that we've established that I think most of the population are morons, you've gotten your drink and then you get the price. Now I live in Las Vegas, the prices here aren't that ridiculous...if your off the strip. IF YOU ARE IN A MAJOR CASINO IT IS GOING TO COST YOU TO DRINK. If you come from Bumblefuck, Udaho yes the prices will be more than you are used to. Don't sound like this is going to break your bank because Vegas isn't somewhere you go to on a budget vacation. Hell most places you go on vacation aren't a budget vacation, I'm just sayin'.

You pay the bartender and get your change back. If your real generous you will leave a 5 or more dollar tip. It doesn't happen all the time but it does happen so that's why I mention it. As a rule of thumb tip 1 to 2 dollars a drink, or the change and a dollar. Some servers expect more but if we get that much generally it will be fine. No matter what you think if you don't tip, the next time the server will get to you will be a lot longer than the last time and they will probably be less friendly.

And just because your from another country doesn't mean your not allowed to tip. When we go to your country's we know that we have to follow your traditions, we know that the French act....French. We know that the Italians will be riding Vespa's and that the Japanese will take a lot of pictures of things. So if your in a bar in the US tip, look at the paragraph before for answer.

Getting a server's attention is real easy. Try to look them in the eye to get there attention or raise your hand. Don't make noises, snap, throw things, or be dumb. If we could we would reach over the bar and punch you in the fucking face when you do these things. If we are ignoring you, there is a reason. Could be any number of things. Could be because we want to reach over the bar and beat you with a bottle of booze...just sayin'.

If you have a cocktail server #1 rule: DON'T TOUCH. It's like a strip club, look but don't touch. If it's real loud get close so that they can hear you but don't grab, smack, pinch or demand. If you do, you have a chance to meet security, and they are very friendly. It all boils down to one thing, respect. Be nice and we will be nice to you.

Busy nights kind of change some of the rules. Your not the only one in the bar, there will be 3 people behind you and next to you wanting a drink too. When you get your chance, have your money ready and your drink order. If you have to look behind you to get your buddy's order, by the time you look back we will have moved on. We don't have time to wait while you figure out if your buddy wants the light 64 cal beer that his girlfriend should be drinking instead of him. Have your ID ready too, just because you think you look old enough doesn't mean you do to us. Guys if you don't have grey hair you will prob get carded, girls its harder to tell but we mostly will. Oh and if you hand us a credit card, some places have to check to see if the card is yours so don't be surprised to be carded for that. Don't get upset that you just got carded, just hand it over and accept it. If you get mad and throw it on the bar there is a good chance that we will tell you to pick it up and hand it to us. Take it out of your wallet, clutch, whatever. Fakes are easy to make so we have to make sure.

Closing time...the international signs for closing time are, the music gets turned way down, and the ugly lights get turned on. When that happens it's your cue to finish your drinks and slowly move out of the bar. Don't linger to long because that just delays the clean up, the people that work at a bar want to go home too. Unless your a complete idiot, the staff probably already gave last call, and you missed it. So if your real nice you will leave another tip for keeping your drunk ass getting drinks and not making a fool out of you in front of the tail your trying to pick up.

So all in all, being served is like kindergarten, be nice, don't touch, and don't eat the paste. And if you have any questions look to the video's....I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0IV651z1wk